When They Reminisce Over You. . .

I haven't had the urge to blog in a really long time, as documented by this blog, but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately.  A few weeks ago, my father revealed that he's kept a cassette tape stored away for over 27 years which contained my late grandmother, Anna Johnson, revealing her final wishes. He never listened to it, so it remained forgotten for many years. He "unearthed" the cassette so that I could transfer its contents to CD.

As a footnote, my grandmother passed on May 23, 1984, when I was 9 years old. I was from the time that I can remember a "grandma's boy." Always at her apron strings.  I would throw a tantrum whenever it was time to leave her house, because I wanted to stay with her.  No regard for the fact my parents would have to drive 40 miles from Front Royal to Warrenton the next day to pick me up.  I remember her Red Kool-Aid, her voice, her macaroni & cheese, her cigarettes, her blue furniture with the plastic covers. I remember how she wasn't much for saying "I love you" or signs of affection, but I have never felt more love from any living creature. I remember running into her house when visiting and hearing her say, "Who's that ugly thing comin' in here?"  And me, tripping head over heels, grinning and replying, "Me, Grandma Nanny!"

Her loss in 1984 had an epic effect on me, and at the age of 9, I was forced to understand the power of death.

So, 27 years later, I sat in my room.  It was a sunny Sunday afternoon in early August 2011.  I'd just been given this cassette by my parents earlier that day, after I saw them at church. I set up all of the necessary equipment needed to transfer to CD, and I pressed "Play" on the cassette player.  While on the cassette my father was doing most of the talking, the first word I heard my grandmother speak in 27 years, in response to a question my father asked on the cassette, was "Yes."

It was evidently a powerful "yes," because I began to gush, just like that 9 year old boy who lost his grandmother back in '84.  I shamelessly gushed as the cassette rolled on, and she began to speak more.  The characteristics of the voice that I remember sent waves of energy coursing through my being.  It was amazing!

Unfortunately, the death of my grandmother only marked the beginning.  Since then, I have been to the wakes and funerals of dozens of loved ones--family and friends--friends of the family and family of friends. I've heard friends say that they've never been to a funeral or that they've never lost a loved one, and it baffles me.  To me, it almost seems unimaginable.

At times I feel that I obsess too much over death, and at other times my experience with it helps to keep me focused on loving and enjoying every moment that I have with everyone in my circle.  I do not want to take anyone for granted.

I believe in giving people roses while they are alive to savor them.  I've seen too many people live with regrets after a loved one passes.  Perhaps there was some issue that may have been blown out of proportion, but now death has put the pettiness of the issue in perspective.

I often think about everyone over the years who has touched my life in some fashion, and I appreciate them, regardless how brief our encounter(s).  Those who have passed have etched a piece of themselves into my soul.  I want to offer up a part of this blog as a memorial to them.  Wherever their soul may lie, I just want them to know that they are not forgotten, though I may not remember everyone's full name correctly.  For that, I apologize.

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FAMILY

Edna Walker - My great-grandmother (my mother's mother's mother) who passed only a year or so before my "Grandma Nanny," in the early 1980s. I didn't know her well, because she lived in NY, and was only brought down to VA in her final days.  She was the first person I'd ever seen on their deathbed.  From stories that my mother has shared, she was a very loving person who called Mom, "Dollbaby."

Anna Johnson - My father's mother. **see above**

Sissy Pollard - Older cousin on my father's side. She passed during the same time frame as my grandmother.  She was also my Godmother along with her husband, Percy, my Godfather.  I remember her passion for God and for praise and worship.  My parents used to have a gospel band with her, Percy and the Sims family.

Catherine Minor - Great aunt on my father's side. She passed in the early 80s as well. I don't remember much about her, but I do remember watching the Flintstone's at her house when I was really young.  #RandomMemories 

Jake Minor - Great uncle on my father's side.  Passed in the late 80s/early 90s. Always used to tease me and tell me, "I'm gon' bust you WIIIIIIIIIIDE open!" He was a trip!

Carroll "Piggy" Jenkins - Great uncle on my mother's side.  Also known as "Sarge." He was a veteran, and kinda scared me as a kid, but never did any harm.

Joseph "Chick" Jenkins - Great uncle on my mother's side.  He gave me the alto saxophone that I used throughout my years in Band from middle-to-high school.  He passed during the early 90s.  He also taught my father the construction trade, when my father was coming up.  A lot of men on both sides of my family worked for him at some point in their lives. I really admired Uncle Chick.  I still have that sax.

Bernard "Eppie" Grant - Cousin on my father's side.  One of my many big cousins on my father's side.  He was killed in his early 30s, in the late 1990s. It was a devastating loss and a wake up call to many of us.

Andrew "Gus" Minor - Great uncle on my father's side.  Like Uncle Jake, Uncle Gus used to tease me a lot as a kid.  I was actually very scared of Uncle Gus when I was a kid, but as I got older I realized he was harmless.  You could always count on him to show his moves at every family reunion.  He was a dancer.  He passed in the late 90s.

Alice Cheatham - My great cousin (my mother's father's cousin).  She was a towering woman who came to VA to live in the 90s from NY.  Before then, I'd seen her when she'd visit my grandparents on occasion.  I remember her as kind with a good sense of humor.

Myrtle Rowe(?) - Great aunt on my father's side.  She reminded me so much of my late grandmother. I always loved to see her.  She was a great cook and a legendary fisher, from what I hear. :) 

Catherine "Fuzzy" Grant - My aunt (father's sister).  She passed in 2000 to everyone's surprise.  She was the first of my father's 5 sisters to pass.  I really miss Aunt Fuzzy.  I remember she was with us when my parents reluctantly took me with them to see "Stir Crazy" at the movies in 1980.

Aunt Fuzzy holding me. . . and that's my Dad.

William "Bill" Jenkins - My great uncle on my mother's side.  It was tough hearing of Uncle Bill's passing in March 2003.  I was living in Brooklyn at the time.  I really admired Uncle Bill.  He exemplified honor, courage, humility, workmanship, stewardship, and humor.  My brother, TJ, and him had a really tight bond.  He was a farmer and a cowboy.  He owned horses for as long as I can remember.  He lived next door to my maternal grandparents, so we always could see him, when we visited them.  He and my grandfather were not only brothers, but best of friends.  Really really miss Uncle Bill.  If you've seen the film, "Secondhand Lions," then you've seen Uncle Bill.  Michael Cain's character reminds me so much of him.  As a kid, he used to confuse me, because he looked like a White man. Ha!  R.I.P. Unc.

Arthur Jenkins - My grandfather (my mother's father).  This is still a tough pill to swallow.  I looked up to my grandfather tremendously.  Like Uncle Bill, he exemplified so many honorable things.  My father speaks of his horse-riding abilities back in the day, as legendary.  I remember him as the grandfather who'd slip change into my hand, when I was a kid.  The grandfather who was quiet and reserved. A deacon of the church.  Stoic.  The only time I ever saw him cry was at my ordination to become a deacon.  He was so proud.  Though he may not have fully understood my career choice, he'd always check in with me, in his quiet way: "So, Jay, how's that acting thing going?"  He passed in October of 2004 from cancer.  I was living in NY and trying to piece together enough money for weeks to get home to see him.  I finally made it down to see him on a Friday.  The next day, he passed. How I miss him.

Caroline Morton - Cousin on my father's side.  Her passing came as a surprise to me and many of our family members.  She passed in the summer of 2007.  She hadn't even reached 50 yet, and from what I remembered of her, she was full of life and kindness.  One of my older cousins that I loved as a kid. I did not see her as much in my adult life, but always had and will always have love for her and her family.

Edith Robinson - Aunt (father's sister).  Her passing came right on the heels of Caroline's passing.  I was in the final week of "The Unmentionables" at Woolly Mammoth, and really had to pull it together to finish it out.  Aunt Edith is my father's oldest sister.  Her death really hit him hard.  It hit all of us hard, but I'd never seen my father in such a state of mourning.  She was so full of life, as well.  She was the traveller in the family.  She burned up her passport, travelling the world. I always admired her for that.  I loved her and her sense of humor so much. She was one of the few people that could curse my Dad out, and he'd be okay with it. LOL!  I MISS YOU SO MUCH, AUNT EDITH!  In her honor, her kids and grandkids started a charity group, Edith's Roses.  Together we've walked to fight diabetes, walked for MADD, given out food at holidays, etc.  That is her legacy.



Edith's Roses at a Walk for Diabetes in Manassas, VA.





Nikki Hunter - Cousin on my mother's side.  She passed at the age of 38, last year. I remember her more from our childhood, because she used to roll with my Aunt Fay and Cousin "Dimps."  It goes without saying that her death came as a surprise.  She was a young mother and wife.  If the size of her funeral was any testament to her life, then the world definitely lost an angel.

**UPDATE (11/4/11)

Bobby Williams - Cousin on my father's side, who passed last month. He was in his late 40s, so his death was a surprise. As many reminisced on Bobby, they spoke about his humor and his "craziness."  He loved to have fun. He had a powerful homegoing service. I mostly remember him from family reunions and dinners. He will definitely be missed by many.

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FRIENDS, ASSOCIATES, MENTORS, ETC.

Patricia Grant - Ms. Grant taught for many years at Warren County High School. One of the few African-American teachers and a very strong presence. I never had any of her classes, but having grown up with her 2 sons--Thomas and John--she'd always been a part of my young life. So when I arrived at the high school, she took me under her wing, always offering insight and advice. For that, I grew to love her tremendously. She passed a couple of years ago. The news deeply saddened generations who grew up under her influence.

Elder Isham Williams - I cannot recall when Elder Williams passed. I believe it may have been the late 80s/early 90s. He was the eldest preacher within our Baptist church--only a few years from making 100. He was full of wisdom, and one of the men who mentored my father,when my father first came into the ministry. I remember his humility and his humanity. He was loved by the people and rightly so. He also rubbed elbows with one of Hollywood's finest, Robert Duvall, also a Virginia resident. At the end of the film "The Apostle," there is a little shout out to Elder Williams. I will always remember his lively version of "I'll Fly Away." A wonderful man!

"Miss Maudie" Natt - My best friend's grandmother. Cory Hill and I became best of friends when we were about 5 or 6 years old. We lived across the street from each other. Every weekend, he would either sleep over at my house or I over his. For a time, his grandmother lived with him and his mother, Dorothy. As with most of Cory's family, she treated me as family. When we got into mischief, she scolded us. Etc. She passed in the late '80s, if I remember correctly. A big loss.

Robert "Bud" Hill - Cory's father. A Korean War veteran. He was an older man. The coolest cat on this side of the Mississippi. He always kept his vehicles pristine. I felt honored whenever I got to ride in one. He became a father figure in my life. I remember going to Wild World, trips to Richmond, and around the area, with him, Dorothy, and Cory. He passed in the early 90s, I believe.

"Uncle Homer" Natt - Cory's uncle. He passed in the earlier 2000s. He's to blame for several of my current loves/addictions: kung-fu cinema and movie theaters. While he lived with Cory and Dorothy, he shared a room with Cory. When I spent the night, we'd all watch WWF Wrestling and kung-fu films on Saturday mornings.  Then on occasions, we'd walk or take a taxi down to the movie theater on Main St.  I especially remember seeing "Rocky III" with him. That was my first "Rocky" movie!

Dr. Scott White, Sr. - I will always think of him as the moderator of 2nd National Ketoctan Baptist Association. One of Elder Isham Williams' contemporaries, he was one of the men that my father looked to for infinite spiritual wisdom. He had a wonderfully kind spirit and was a family man to the core.  He has left one of the greatest gospel legacies to ever exist. The Scott White singers outnumber the Tribes of Israel.  Their talent is immense. It all started with him and his wife. I came up in our church conference as a youth, when he was a moderator. I loved to hear him speak and sing, even as a kid who would've rather been outside playing. If I'm not mistaken, he passed in the late 90s.

Kenneth Daugherty - A legend of theatre! I had the fortune of being cast by him in Carlyle Brown's "Buffalo Hair," back in 2000. Produced by the African-Continuum Theatre Co., which he'd been instrumental in helping to bring into existence. He was a spitfire who demanded nothing less than your best. I was really saddened by his passing a few years later.

Douglas Brinklow - Doug was a classmate of mine from 4th - 7th grade. From what I understood, he took his own life. I never heard any official report. I do recall he and his sister were teased and bullied because of their perceived economic status. I always tried to be friendly to him. Though I didn't participate in the teasing/bullying, I didn't do anything to stop it. I don't know whatever happened to his sister or family, but I pray that they have peace.

Sis. Edna Kinney - She was the clerk of Shiloh Baptist Church, when my father first arrived as pastor, back in 1986. She was 1 of 3 members, at the time. A kind-hearted, elderly lady who handled the church business like a pro! She passed in the late 80s.

Sis. Robinetta Gardner - Shiloh's piano player.  1 of 3 Shiloh members,when Dad arrived as Pastor. She reminded me so much of my late grandmother. She was so alive and vivacious!  She dressed to the "T," and could rock a piano. I loved her dearly. I miss hearing her sing, "In the Garden." Sometimes at church, I look over at the piano and envision her playing and singing. I fortunately still have footage of her. She passed in the mid-90s.

Sis. Sarah Gibert - The final of Dad's original 3 members. She just passed last year. She was a trooper who always wore a huge smile. Her face was so full of sunshine. She took on the clerk duties, after Sis. Kinney passed. For members of the local theatre community, legendary theatre actor, Lizan Mitchell, reminds me so much of her. Sis. Gibert stayed loyal to Shiloh to her final minutes. She is greatly missed.

Donna Dunmyer - My parents' neighbor for many many years. She used to babysit my brother, when we were kids. She underwent gastric bypass surgery back in the 90s, and so when my father was set to have the same surgery, he leaned on her for wisdom and friendship. She just passed within recent months. May she rest in peace. May her family have peace.

Tremayne Sawyers - A classmate of mine. Tremayne (a.k.a. "Punny") and I were buddies in 6th grade. He was a crazy cat. In class, we would be in tears from his clowning! As time went on, we went our separate paths. I last saw him a few years ago at a funeral in Front Royal.  Then it was only a year or so later, when the town received the news of his death. Very shocking. Rest in Peace, Bro.

Linda Gaines - My friend, Nova's mother--Cory's mother-in-law. Her passing is relatively recent, as she went on home earlier this year. From Hagerstown, she spent the last several years living in Front Royal. She was always around for our "Dorothy Events," on 11th St.  She was lively and fun. Had the nerve to have a Facebook page. LOL! May she rest in peace.

Coryell Hill - *sigh* In a couple of weeks, my godson, Jaquare Hill, will celebrate his 17th birthday. He and Coryell were born prematurely in Charlottesville, VA. Twins. Born to Nova and Cory. Jaquare and Coryell went through quite a few health struggles as preemies,but it seemed that Coryell was the stronger of the two.  Unfortuately, he passed on from this world around New Year's 1995. Not even 2 months of age. He never got to come home from the hospital. I hope and pray I never have to view a coffin for an infant ever again. So thankful for bighead Jaquare!

Wayne "Waynie" Brooks, Jr. - One of my brother's classmates. My mother used to babysit "Waynie" when he was an infant/toddler. We used to get a kick out of how he used to pronounce "water." Sounded a lot like "loiter." He died around the age of 12, if I remember correctly. Drowned in the Shenandoah River, while playing with some associates. There was suspicion that foul play may have been involved. The story was even explored on an investigative program on the USA Network back in the early 90s. A very sad time.

Elder Wilmer Bryant - As Elder Williams and Dr. White mentioned before, Elder Bryant was a classic example of what a follower of God should be: humble, wise, kind, slow to speak, quick to listen. Well-known for singing, "Stay on the Rock," and his willingness to walk wherever to church. He didn't drive, and if he was unable to get a ride, he would walk to his destination. I even heard that he walked/hitch-hiked to Pennsylvania to church. I remember many times, him squeezing in the backseat with my brother and me.  As I got older, I even picked him up on occasions or gave him a ride home. He travelled like a classic disciple of God. He had no shame and was one of the most genuine men of God that I'd ever known. He truly believed what he preached. He passed in the mid-2000s. He is missed very much. Legendary in my life.

Dr. T. J. Baltimore - The late pastor of People's Community Baptist Church in Silver Spring, MD. In my mind, he's one of the legends of our 2nd National Ketoctan Baptist Association. He succeeded Dr. White as moderator. He was a well-learned man, who championed education.

Vanessa - I cannot remember her last name right now, but she was my "desk neighbor" at my job for a couple of years. I'd see her when she arrived early in the mornings. Always said, "Good morning," then went about our days. Sometimes, we'd share a laugh. A couple of years ago, she was missing from my morning routine for some days, when we soon discovered that she'd passed. As I'm typing this now, I can look over and see her desk. Still empty. May she rest in peace.

Cynthia Vanderpool - The late wife of Michael Vanderpool, attorney and founder of Vanderpool, Frostick & Nishanian, in Manassas. When I came to VFN as a temp in 2005, she was warm and supportive. Acting as HR, she was enthusiastic about having me join them as a permanent employee, after temping for 1 week. After a month of "file clerking," she approached me about being promoted to post-closing. Later that year I did a show, called "Kingdom," with the African-Continuum Theatre Co.  She was so excited. Not only did she come to support the show, Mr. Vanderpool, and 2 other assistants came. I don't think it was even 3 months later, when Mrs. Vanderpool passed. We were all devastated. She and Mr. Vanderpool were a wonderful couple. I will always remember her incredible spirit.

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I may have to return to this post and update it as time goes on. I know there are people that I'm forgetting. Blame my mind.

For everyone listed here, I just want to thank you for everything that we've shared, whether it was a "good morning" or infecting me with your love for movies, know that I appreciate it all.  I just hope that I can be half the example.

To "Grandma Nanny," I'm too selfish to ever let you fully rest in peace. Thanks for tagging along over the years. :)

Love you,

"That Ugly Thing"